Divorce is often a sad reality for many families. Since the COVID-19 pandemic, a lot of families fell apart, which is mainly due to isolation and being stuck together for days. Even without the pandemic in the picture, a divorce is deeply-traumatizing for children, so it’s important to be wise and do all the necessary steps to ensure a smooth transition for your kids. Of course, the divorce can be extremely hurtful for adults as well, but with kids in the picture, minimizing their pain and trauma should be the top priority.
In this text, here is some useful information that will help you save children from the inevitable divorce pain.
First, make sure you really want to get a divorce
Some relationships are volatile in nature, meaning they thrive on drama and mess. This is hugely problematic if you have children, as they’ll be confused and hurt by constant bickering and threats of divorce. Even if the end of your marriage comes as a product of civil discussion and mutual decision, it’s crucial to be one hundred percent sure that you want it. Changing your mind on this issue can cause more pain than the actual divorce.
Give kids the explanation they’ll understand
Explaining the details of divorce to your children is a difficult and heart-wrenching process, which is why it’s important to take your time and choose your words wisely. Also, make sure to avoid talking about guilt and whose fault is it that their parents are getting divorced. A child should never have to think about these things, especially in the middle of a divorce. Also, keep your vocabulary age-appropriate, so your kid will have a clear picture of what’s actually going on.
Consider getting some legal help
Divorce can sometimes look like a battle, and kids often tend to be the casualties. This is quite prevalent in countries with rising divorce rates, such as Australia. When you add pandemic to the mix, then things can look progressively worse. That’s why contacting a reputable family lawyer from Brisbane is a good place to have a civil divorce: once all the legal aspects are taken care of, you’ll be able to invest effort into helping your children overcome the divorce. When you go to the consultation with a lawyer, make sure to state your issues and intentions clearly, so they’ll be ready to move things in the right direction.
Prepare for a reaction
Since children often have issues with processing emotions and understanding stress, it’s only logical they’ll have a reaction to such life-changing news. Sometimes it can be passive-aggressive sulking, and sometimes it’s all about emotional outbursts and teary temper-tantrums. Even if there’s no obvious reaction, it’s important to sit down and have a conversation with your children, where you can explain to them that you’ll always love them no matter what.
Never invalidate your children’s feelings
Kids can get too emotional at times, which is why you should always acknowledge their feelings rather than trying to suppress them. For kids, the divorce is more than a failure of marriage: it’s the end of life as they know it. Hence, being kind to them and making sure their emotional needs are always met can be of great help in a turbulent period such as divorce.
Also, your kids should be allowed to share their feelings and concerns without being mocked or insulted, so be sure to mind your tongue in front of them, especially if they’re visibly upset.
Do not lose it in front of them
Marriage issues can be overwhelming, which is why many couples tend to fight in front of the kids. This is a big no, as children are sensitive and can pick up on what’s happening more than you know. If you have to argue with your partner, then it’s better to do it when kids are away, or even better, not fight at all. Additionally, if you’ve noticed some behavioral changes with your kids after the divorce announcement, it’s advisable to take them to a child therapist who’ll be able to talk to them in a kind and respectful manner.
There is no easy way to divorce, and no matter how hard you try, your children will inevitably feel the consequences. In order to make their pain easier, you should make their well-being your top priority. Also, answering all of their questions and concerns is a great way to make sure they understand what’s going on. Finally, remember that some things take time, so being there for your kids is the sure way to let them know they’re loved and taken care of.